Write For Life

The weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. Right now I'm trying to keep myself in check, keep my anger and frustration from pushing me over the edge, and I am succeeding for only one reason. I'm trying to balance my schedule and make time for myself and my family. Most who know me know how big of a sucker I am when it comes to those who need help. I put those who ask for my help in front of everything else and its been causing a problem in my life, one I am about to fix.

I thought about this for a while. Wondering why it is that I feel like I have to help every soul in need. I got my answer today. Its because when I was the one needing help I had no one to turn to. Remembering that brought back the memories of some of the worst times of my life, of most of my family turning me away one by one when I needed support and stability after losing my mother. Sometimes not even your own family will help you, but I was lucky that my aunt and uncle stepped up to the plate. My brother and I were a few of the more fortunate ones.
Our church was a huge part of our lives and they helped out in every way they could. It was hard after my aunt took in two extra kids on top of their three.
Ever since then I have spent the majority of my time helping the church. Giving back to them the help they gave us, granted I dislike our pastor Riggs, and his pig of a niece Chandra. (Yes she does go to Walker Valley High School and I'll fall out of this chair laughing if she reads this.) I try to keep my distance from the man and instead took my place helping the children's pastor Mr. Larry Green. (Whose son is Mr. Green from Walker Valley High School.) Seeing the children from our church always gets to me. I guess I had a soft spot when it came to helping them because I found myself doing more and more for all children who came asking for help.
The feeling you get from seeing a little kid smile because of you is more than I can put into words. It is overwhelming and soon you find yourself wound up so tight from spending all your time there instead of with family and friends. You feel as if you've missed so much because of it, but never sorry that you did because you know you made a difference in so many lives. I finally got tired of saying I was busy whenever I was asked out and being left out when my friends did a group thing.

But that didn't work for me either, I couldn't just cut them out of my life I felt I was letting them down completely. Even tho I feel like I've done my part it doesn't mean I should quit all together does it? I was introduced into a pilot program called Write For Life in which I believe is the perfect opportunity for me to have time with those I love and kids that need support. If we feel like this succeeds then we might later expand it for any kid that needs support like I did long ago. Writing was a key element in my progress to a normal life. Without writing poetry, stories, keeping journals and such I wouldn't of had a normal way to release the emotions I had stored inside of me. Some of the kids we deal with are like I once was, they have so much stored up inside of them that it not only hurts them but the ones around them who watch them go into submission or have outrages that could lead to physical damage to those near.
Instead of dealing in this way we help take the suppressed emotions and turn them into an creative outlet showing them there are more ways to deal with mainly grief and anger than just storing it up. For all the results are different. We can help all kids but some more than others, sometimes just showing them that we are there to help them can be more of a blessing to them than anything else. Our children have been drug threw everything. Rape and abuse victims, survivors of attempted suicide, family and friends who have lost someone to suicide, I've seen some pretty weird stories but all end with the same sad story. A grieving child.
For now this is just a pilot program, seven kids, three people who volunteered to help and one reason for doing it. To help a soul in need. I'll tell you how it ends when I find out myself but for now just do what YOU can to help someone. Make a difference in the life of someone who needs it like I pray I am doing. I myself am not a saint, nor do I claim to be one. I am not bragging about what I am doing just trying to get others to start helping in this community a little more by sharing my story hoping it will encourage those who read it.

All my Thanks go to Czak Fallghen and my big brother (Only in my heart) Justin for introducing Write For Life to me. I RAWR you guys!

-Micheala-

Prologue: Dreams

I had no idea where I was, and I didn't want to. I wanted to stay lost like this forever, at least that way he couldn't find me. Sweat ran down my forehead and into my eyes, my heart pounded hard in my ears, and I couldn't bring myself to breathe. I was so scared and not only for myself, but for the boy I had come here to find.
Instead of finding him, I'd gotten lost myself which wasn't to bad because at least I wouldn't have to face what the Prophecy had proclaimed would be the end of me. The trees were beginning to clear the farther I headed in, and within the next few minutes I'd found him. He lay sprawled out on the ground, unmoving. My heart dropped, and a whimper escaped my trembling lips.
I raced forward just as a black figure blocked my path knocking me back.
"You?" I gasped. Tho I couldn't see their face, I knew that something was wrong. This had been a person I had put my faith into helping me, but had been betrayed. I knew this was the other half to the Prophecy
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I swear I have no idea where I'm going with this..... Just had random thought and wanted to put it down.

But I do think it would be a great opener for a story if I cleaned it up a bit... think I might do that now.

The Illusion of Love

I'm starting to truly believe that there is no such thing as love. Love was just a word created to make feel as if we were cared about. For some of those lucky enough to believe that they have found this "love" take heed in where you place your trust and heart because you might just find both of them broken. I believe that the Lord is the only one that actually cares enough about us to say that love does exist, but here on earth we as humans are not capable of handing our entire heart over to one person to even begin to think that love exists.
Every generation gets worse. We are violating the sacred institution that is marriage with our high divorce rates. If you "love" someone then you shouldn't divorce them. I'm not saying that there aren't cases where divorce is necessary, but these numbers are crazy! More than a fourth of marriages with in the last ten years have ended in divorce. Marriage is supposed to be a commitment to one another for love, but as I said before I'm starting to believe that people are not capable of truly loving one another and giving ourselves completely over to just one person. Maybe our elder generations lived in a world where love existed, but in today's age if love existed then we wouldn't be fighting these wars. We wouldn't turn on the news and once again hear about murders that were committed for money, or people getting raped or abused. We wouldn't have to hear about our family and friends committing suicide.
If love existed in this day and age then those types of things wouldn't happen. If we cared enough about the world then we would embrace it, but instead we destroy it. We destroy our homes, our friends, family, and ourselves. It's hard to live in a world where all you see and hear about are hate related crimes. So if love existed then where did it go, and why are we destroying everything?
I hate hearing teenagers say they love someone, its not true. I even to begin to count the times I've heard my friends say they loved someone so much that they would die for them, or it would kill them if they lost that person. It's crazy how teens exaggerate their feelings. It's not how they truly feel. Its how they think they feel. Countless people have told me to say the words I love you often, but why should I if I don't me it? What is the point of it?

Micheala

From This Place

Last night I thought about a few things. The first being where do I go from here? From this place in my life? This place in my life meaning the start of my junior year, being so close to graduating. What about my family and friends? Would I leave them to pursuit a new life? One where I could begin the foundation to my career? I once thought that I would leave this little place for the big cities, somewhere so far away that I knew no one to throw old mistakes in my face. I'm starting to find things are not as they had once appeared. How can one single night of thinking completely change your sight of life? My life wasn't as shaky as I'd always thought it to be. I have friends, I have family that care about me. (Even if they do pretend not to sometimes.) I think the one thing that has always bothered me was the thought of never leaving high school completely behind. Feeling as if everyday I would wake up to the same people, and nothing would be new.

I would like a change of scene, I would like a place to myself. Somewhere that I could write and do the things I loved without being bothered with the usual drama you get at home, at school, and even at church. Yes my church means the world to me but I need a place to praise the Lord. I feel like the closest you can get to the Lord is when you praise him, and now it seems church is more of a place for drama then it is praise. Not all churches, but a lot of them. Schools are getting to where all we come for is fights and gossip. Try spending time with your friends without getting one or the other.

So from this place in my life I'd like to finish the dramatic high school years I have left and go to Culinary Arts school, maybe take a few writing classes, write a book or two, and make the fullest of my life. Spend time with those close to me, and who knows I might even find a decent guy along this crazy ride of a life. My dreams are mine and mine alone, I won't let anyone keep me from them now I realize how much they mean to me.


Micheala